fatherhood

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over9000
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fatherhood

Post by over9000 »

this might be a bit cheesy, but i would like to share some thaughts about fatherhood/family as i know that there are alot of family people on this board.
my girlfriend is pregnant and will give birth in may.
i thought alot about working / and earning money, as it is something that i never really got into the proper way i guess.
i never made a aprenticeship, always worked this & that, dident think much about money, floating around,
living in squats or real cheap houses, partying etc..

how do you feel your life changed with kids for this perspective?
did you need alot more money then before?

now we have the option to go live in the landside and overtake a farm that is part of a shared economy, basically a cooperative of farms where all the income is shared to all farms and every member gets a minimum wage.
but its not really about the money, because food and basic needs are organized collectivly.
so there will be no monetary problems if that works out , which iam really glad about.

i think with the perspective to take responsability for another human beeing,
the whole ugly face of capitalist economy and the alienation that it can create came to my eyes once more.
need food and a flat/house -> someone (often the man, as the woman needs to be with the baby 100% atleast in the first year) needs to work alot to pay that. so one person is always alone with the baby, the other needs to work.
its a devils cycle i want to break out of.

i think the solution for us can only be communal living.
so you can have other familys with kids around,
share all the usefull things so you dont need to buy everything for your family alone.
iam really looking forward to live with other people with kids in a nice place in the countryside.
this might be a bit romantic, but fuck i think now its the time to act and try things out, instead of doing nothing and find yourself and your family trapped in a 3 room flat with a shitty job
.
i might sound a bit bitter at that point, but i never found any passion in the worklife.
i mean yeah i like to work with my hands, but mostly the stuff that we were building just wasent to my taste.
decandent houses for decandent corporations
but it was never something i felt i really calling for me, basically i just need the money.

what are your feelings about that?
how you and your familys are organized?

i hope this doesent come across bitter, its just some thoughts i had on the relation of family in society and in particular in the shitty constraints that capitalist organized societys bring with them.

and i already love the lil fucker badly 8-)

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0dd
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Re: fatherhood

Post by 0dd »

Hey man first of all cheers! I have a 10 month old son and I can say it is bullshit! Not having a kid but the regular job bullshit. You will need a lot of cash, but not as much as people make you think. Best thing to do now is to fuck off everyone with a know it all listen to me attitude. Don't be worried about any of because people are usualy assholes in situations like that. They think because they had it hard you should too. Just fuck off everyone that's like that. There will ofcourse be people who will share their experience and knowladge but with a different attitude, listen to them, but again with a grain of salt. The experience you are awaiting is very personal and unique to you and your family so don't get caught up in patterns eg. if this do that etc. The idea of comunal life is a great way of disconnecting from the bussiness as usual system, and if you're ok with that kind of life, by all means go for it! Talk to your mrs about this, as the most important thing now for you is to be a family. Be supportive and democratic and just go for what you two want. The rest will take care of itself!
Oh and btw, dig into production while you can, you're gonna have a bit of a pause. I joined subsekt a month before my son was born, and I'm just getting some free time now. At night.
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jordanneke
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Re: fatherhood

Post by jordanneke »

All I can say is good luck. Really.

Having a kid changes your outlook in profound ways, continually.

What you describe above may sound ideal right now, but since you ask, I'd run a mile, but then again I have had a different youth to you. I have a career. I really quite enjoy my job, and if I'm honest, I like the experiences that cash can buy.

The reason I say 'right now' is that as your family gets older, you'll find that living hand to mouth on minimum wages may be far less from desirable. Eg, the highlight of my year is 2 weeks in the South of France on a campsite with the 5 of us. Once the little one comes along you'll be surprised how different things would be.

And whilst the who 'communal living' thing sounds good on paper, I have reservations on the long term viability and safety in a commune (ie it may turn into a cult).

Sorry if you were looking for validation of your choice, but you did ask.

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0dd
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Re: fatherhood

Post by 0dd »

But what if he wants to be the big cheese?
"After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music". Aldous Huxley

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jordanneke
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Re: fatherhood

Post by jordanneke »

My real concern is this.

Has collectivisation/ communal/ utopian living ever been successful? To my mind, the best ones just fizzle out when the crop fails or something. The worst ones end with abuse and a tyrant who makes everyone drink Kool-Aid.

Even the most cursory look on google doesn't really show many success stories.

If I'm wrong, I'd be happy to change my mind.

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Re: fatherhood

Post by jordanneke »

0dd wrote:But what if he wants to be the big cheese?
Best case Jim Jones, worst case Pal Pot. :)

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0dd
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Re: fatherhood

Post by 0dd »

David Blaine's da shit!
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Mattias
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Re: fatherhood

Post by Mattias »

Please stop populating the earth, we're after the opposite comon!
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over9000
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Re: fatherhood

Post by over9000 »

thx for all the repiles guys
well jordan i think theres alot of prejudice happening when it comes to communes.
ofc there are the "spiritual cult" kinda groups or some hardcore political groups,
anyway i think the groups you hear of most are just the one that are nuts.
alot of people are nuts, everywhere.

i have a good feeling with our group, because we are all mature and comming from different backgrounds and noone is a fanatic in any way.
what you say about the pleasure money can buy is extremely understandable to me,
as i like to be left the fuck alone at times and dont want to mess with some shit i cant change.
and i have a plan b to the commune life ofc.
i might be doing my teachers degree in autnum so i can actually do something usefull with what i studied (philosophy).

but for the time now me and my family and close friends just want to try something different.
but your right, my insecurity about the topic shines trough :)
Last edited by over9000 on Thu Feb 22, 2018 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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over9000
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Re: fatherhood

Post by over9000 »

Mattias wrote:Please stop populating the earth, we're after the opposite comon!
i respect your opinion and i agree, that our civilisation is heading in a completely wrong way, but i think alternatives have to be made by experimenting and living them, instead of sitting around and whining how bad everything is.
if only the stupid people reproduce we are fucked

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Lost to the Void
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Re: fatherhood

Post by Lost to the Void »

jordanneke wrote: Has collectivisation/ communal/ utopian living ever been successful? To my mind, the best ones just fizzle out when the crop fails or something. The worst ones end with abuse and a tyrant who makes everyone drink Kool-Aid.
I have a mate who went down to devon to live in a permaculture community a few years after we left school.
And they are still there 20 years later, married, kids....

They had some trouble over the years, mainly the outside world trying to shit on their world, but they have a really good relationship with the local "normal" community.

He earns a little money travelling around on occasion to give talks on permaculture and how to make it a success.

So it can work, it just requires people to not be uttercunts.

Obviously that is difficult because people are cunts, and modern culture is condensing the cuntification of people.
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Re: fatherhood

Post by jordanneke »

Lost to the Void wrote:
jordanneke wrote: Has collectivisation/ communal/ utopian living ever been successful? To my mind, the best ones just fizzle out when the crop fails or something. The worst ones end with abuse and a tyrant who makes everyone drink Kool-Aid.
I have a mate who went down to devon to live in a permaculture community a few years after we left school.
And they are still there 20 years later, married, kids....

They had some trouble over the years, mainly the outside world trying to shit on their world, but they have a really good relationship with the local "normal" community.

He earns a little money travelling around on occasion to give talks on permaculture and how to make it a success.

So it can work, it just requires people to not be uttercunts.

Obviously that is difficult because people are cunts, and modern culture is condensing the cuntification of people.
That's interesting.

How do they manage to keep the cunts out without creating power-hungry uber cunts?

It's not that I don't like communes/ collectivisation etc... it's just the uber cunt leaders that machiavelli their way to become Grand chief god4life.

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Mattias
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Re: fatherhood

Post by Mattias »

over9000 wrote:
Mattias wrote:Please stop populating the earth, we're after the opposite comon!
i respect your opinion and i agree, that our civilisation is heading in a completely wrong way, but i think alternatives have to be made by experimenting and living them, instead of sitting around and whining how bad everything is.
if only the stupid people reproduce we are fucked
Not quite, even if everyone was clever and good people all around we'd be fucked. It's a very uncomfortable issue to bring up and look at for most people but we are way to many populating the earth to live the kind of lifestyle we do.
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over9000
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Re: fatherhood

Post by over9000 »

Mattias wrote:
over9000 wrote:
Mattias wrote:Please stop populating the earth, we're after the opposite comon!
i respect your opinion and i agree, that our civilisation is heading in a completely wrong way, but i think alternatives have to be made by experimenting and living them, instead of sitting around and whining how bad everything is.
if only the stupid people reproduce we are fucked
Not quite, even if everyone was clever and good people all around we'd be fucked. It's a very uncomfortable issue to bring up and look at for most people but we are way to many populating the earth to live the kind of lifestyle we do.
yes thats why i would change the lifestyle. overpopulation will sort itself out i have no worries about that.
the question is are you resilient enough to survive?

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Re: fatherhood

Post by 0dd »

A really wise being once gave me the most humane answer to the population problem. Only 1 child per parent pair. Population halved in one generation.
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Re: fatherhood

Post by Mattias »

Population overshoot shows no sign of solving itself. We need way more eduction about this massive issue and many good brains to bring to the debates.

Some discussion different ideas to counter the issue but few discuss that we most likely need to implement several of the ideas at the same time.

One child per parent pair for a certain span of time like 0add mentions is a pretty good start that I cannot see many agreeing with haha.
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chava
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Re: fatherhood

Post by chava »

I'm not the optimist type, but the overpopulation thing is just straight-up neo-Malthusian bollocks and using it to berate people who chose to have kids is rather tasteless in my humble opinion.

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Re: fatherhood

Post by chava »

Mattias wrote: One child per parent pair for a certain span of time like 0add mentions is a pretty good start that I cannot see many agreeing with haha.
The Chinese did with some pretty harsh emotional consequences for families. The Communist party will of course claim that if wasn't for this policy there would be 2 bio Chinese today.

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0dd
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Re: fatherhood

Post by 0dd »

Yeah, wouldn't be the most popular idea but it is the most straight forward one, without doing any actual harm.
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Re: fatherhood

Post by The_G »

Congrats man! Kids are hard work but also amazing.

In terms of how I've changed, I'm more balanced now. I'm much more efficient with my free time. Also much more tired all the time.


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