Hmm, everyone went through life responsibilities black hole I think, others may not, becouse of families or other stuff, I quit my social care job, and went to work as waiter, i had to travel each morning to restaurant, waking up at 6 a clock, living at 7:00, trains was been delayed most of the times, stress of being late. I had like 4h break each day, so i went back by train as well at 12 a clock to my house till 4 a clock, there was around 2-3 miles walk from the stations all together to my house(same stories with a trains as well bein delayed) weekly pay which is shite. In a mean time I had Ielts test i was really keen into this, was on speed at the same time, paranoia, didn't turn up to work place and at the end I didn't reach a right score for my course. left job, been through a lot of shit for 2 months, didn't have job, had 1k pound debt. So md and different shit was my friends, lonely times..... However i decided to come back to my old job, which was Social care, did 200-270 hours of work each month, in summer to repay my debt, I used to have around 3-5 off day in 3 months period, most of the times it 14.5 shift, at the end of summer thanks god, i gave all the money back to a friends and my landlord. Although I booked Another test on August as well, thanks to my co-worker which help me out and preparing for IELTS test. I pass a right score and i applied in music production course. which i'm studying it now. Anyway at course time, speed was still my friend, i had that stupid idea, that musicians need to be on something to make something(that's is a biggest bullshit) it helps me focus and bla bla bla bla stuff. So i reduced my work hours, to focus on my music. I would like to see who would stand 4 day in a job and 3 days at college, that was to cruel. Anyway back to the story I was focusing more at the music, yeah the tracks was better, than half of year ago, but something was still missing, there's was just sound, i didn't feel anything any emotions just kick, and stab and loop without a texture. So month past, and i went through gambling stage, it was my last proper payment to me, one and a half grand or something like, that i manage to pay bill and i had around 700 quid, went on slots and won 750, unfortunetly they didn't let me transfer the money, and they bloked my account, i spent one day to unblock it, however they didn't let me to transfer it, so i start to play it and at the end i end up with a fucking 150 for whole month in a beginning of november, Shit isn't travel expensive and stuff. More over I have a house mate which was a boxer and quite pissed of my speed addiction, so he gave me a pressure, so i had to throw my all stuff to my toilet and bla bla, i felt something different, like spiritual awakening or something like that, it was like in that movie ,,Fight club'' dude was starting everything from the bottom, he just blow up his own flat and he was obsessed by materialism same as me. So i started to do some boxing and running, which was the best best best thing what can ever happen to a person, You release realise that if you want to produce something, you need to do something different. Ideas just flow and flow and flow into your head. so went to college at first week with my new track, but it was still shit to me, but quite groovy it was one day project, and all of are group suppose to bring one track which they have been made in a day. anyway i just manage to come at first week to the college, so i had to survive, buying food and bla bla bla, i had 4-5 day off for 3 weeks, so had plenty of time for producing and finding the style i really wanted. So after that i came back at the end of november with a three tracks, (I shared one of them in here in other forum section, but i deleted anyway so maybe i will show you some later on when it' will be finished) and everyone in there was spaced out, that was the biggest turbo boost I really wanted that to be happen. So i'm at half term now, and just yesterday was my last day in the job, and i took 2 week holiday to focusing on the music. So in conclusion what I want to say first that I dont' give a shit about anyone and other people opinions, like everyone suppose to do that, more over if you want to produce something and make money from it, you still need an income from another job even if you will start to make money from music, you won't survive until you reach that stage (oooh some one is recognize you and seeing potential in you, dude who make drug addicts to dance) any way you need to work hard, hard to towards your goal and yourself in general find a women LOL. grind, learn something different, have a breaks from music as well if you will do the same thing over and over again you will become crazy duuudeee. Or you will arogant douche bag that thinks he can make music and tells a ''cool jokes'' to look cool around other people. Anyway i'm still working on, i never got paid for my music, and my music never been accepted to any of labels(I wish...) but when you will, reach that stage when you will have income from making money from your own stuff, then you can think about leaving your job and bein a full time music producer/dj. anyway you still making a risk and you know that becouse this industry is so so so so so huge and you know that.
P.s
Thanks bot for typing me this post