subsekt

I had to clean out my old room at my parents place a few weeks ago, and after throwing away like 90%,
I still had about 3 boxes stuffed with letters from my teens and my univ years.
I'm slowly re-reading it all, and I gotta say I'm happy that I grew up in the days when people weren't emailing or texting all the time, cause otherwise I doubt I would still have any of these things today...

The more letters I go through, the harder I find it to throw some of the letters away,
and the more letters I find myself keeping,
just because you realize that if you decide to throw them away, these memories will most likely never return inside your head for the rest of your life (which is, in some cases, a great thing, but in other cases a bit of a shame, even if it's only normal day memories)

Anyways, as a direct result, I'm getting confronted by who I was about 20 years ago,
(though of course, I don't get to see the letters I wrote to others and only the letters others wrote to me)
but all of this made me wonder : what would I do differently if I had been given the chance to go back in time ?

I think it was Churchill that once said experience is like a comb that's been given to you on a moment in life when you're already bald (or something like that)...
We learn through our mistakes, no doubt, but there's also the things we haven't done that we might regret nowadays...

So gents and wimminz :
what would you do differently if you had the chance to do things over ?

1. biggest regret : that I stopped making electronic music during my univ years. On the other hand, I never stopped playing piano, and I restarted my synth love later, so I guess I can't complain about that one too much.

2. I would never study theology again. No fucking way. But then again, I met my wonderful wife and my 2 best friends in that faculty. So that alone is quite priceless...

3. I should have fucked around more. Sounds totally trivial, and I'm convinced that in life it's not about how many women you had, but about having met the right ones. But nonetheless, re-reading all these letters from old girlfriends now... I was far too much of a gentleman. I guess it came from being "drilled" by my sisters to treat women with respect.

4. I should have realized sooner that creative expression is inherent to my personality, so that I would have started much sooner to spend more time on it. I know this sounds totally cheesy and arty-farty, but it took me far too long to realize that shit. My sister and me were the only creative ones in my family (she was a painter), and now that my sister is gone, I'm the only one left. I remember she always hated to even use the word "artist", because she hated how some of these people used it as some sort of excuse to act like a total asshole. I still agree with that. And I still prefer the word musician to artist or producer. But people that play only sheet music are not exactly very creative, and that, to me, is a big difference. Creativity sets me free in a way, as corny as that might sound.

5. I should have known that starting a relationship with the girl that is dressed in all sorts of bright colors (her favorite color was orange FFS) while I was in my Goth-phase was not a good idea...
But she hung in there, slowly dragged me out of my previous relationship, and I got sucked in by the female honeytrap or whatever that great expression was that winston recently used...
But, you know, live and learn, and all that shit.

I don't think I have enough time to list all the things I would change. I think a lot of them fundamentally come down to me so maybe I need to change myself.

ow come on now Stace,
are you playing that insecure woman trick on us now ?

(I tried finding some decent fast show clips from the insecure woman,
but couldn't find decent ones. However, I did stumble across "middle aged women" clips that I don't even remember seeing at the time. Fucking hilarious... )

I'd go back to 2006 and skip my Heroin addiction. Otherwise I'm pretty fine with myself.

Naw, it's legit how I feel Hades.

Mono-xID wrote:I'd go back to 2006 and skip my Heroin addiction. Otherwise I'm pretty fine with myself.

that must have been shit honestly!!

I dunno i have some regrets but nothing major at this point i guess, im still too young to have big regrets

look, it doesn't have to be big regrets.
just try and look at this kind of like the "thing I hate" topic...
It's not like it's all big and important things we hate in there, is it ?
some times you regret really small and unimportant stuff, like me not fucking around enough in my youth,
or giving into the totally wrong GF at the time,
but it can put a smile on our face thinking about that shit, no ?

I'm actually quite happy I have very little big regrets.
I am convinced that at the end of your life (if you even have the luck to look back on it in some active way and not die in some stupid car crash or whatever) you will regret far more the stuff you haven't done instead of the stuff you actually did, as wrong as it might have been at the time...

StacieAnne wrote:Naw, it's legit how I feel Hades.

ow I had no doubt about how you felt and was only joking,
but now you're really playing the proper wimminz trick on us by saying shit but never ever getting straight to the point !

what are your regrets ?
just sum up a few.
If subsekt was able to deal with all my rather extensively huge posts over the years,
I'm sure it can survive at least your shortlist.

No regrets.
I wouldn't change anything, I lived a Zen like life of being totally in the moment (without for most of it, understanding zen ), if anything I need to be more like that and less thinky as it has made my life a fascinating (though at times dangerous) adventure.

In the words of the great sage.

“Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
and today is a gift...
that's why they call it the present”

― Master Oogway... Kung Fu Panda

No major regrets.

Most fails have resulted in a period of self analysis & resulted in new approaches. I'm happy to try & learn when I hit a wall.

People give advice so readily.. & it's a lot to take in & utilise, even if you are receptive to a fraction of it.

Everyone needs to learn from their own experiences on the fly. Its unavoidable. If its not one thing, itll be another. Sometimes you just find yourself caught in a moment. Such is life.

If I could wave a magic wand.. it would be stuff like accidentally pressing erase on the wrong HD. Having kids earlier. Selling a house at the peak of the boom, taking the money & running off laughing into a rented place.

But they're all minor things. It's good to be alive, healthy, safe & with nice people around to give love to & get love from. I think I'd feel big loss if stuff like that was affected.

If I'm honest, it would only be totally superficial and shallow things that i'd go back and change, mostly to do with girls, and having more sex.

Although I would go back and treat some people nicer when I was at my most egotistical and hedonistic.

You know, the bad things you've done, that you occasionally think about in the shower, you shudder then feel guilty? I suppose I could find those people and apologise, but......

If I was forced to do it all again I'd maybe delay university for a few years until I was ready to knuckle down and generally consider the bigger picture from much earlier on... but maybe that's just what being a grown-up is all about; realising how narrow your thinking was as a kid and pushing on with progress in things that make you happy.

I'm in a good place right now, I've had an exciting life so far and I'm even more stoked for the future so if I really had a time machine I'd probably be too afraid to fuck with the causality of everything and leave it on the shelf.

I'd go back in time to stop terminator 3 from being made.

In fact that should be the plot of the next terminator film, that will be undoubtably dreadful. Arnie goes back in time and hunts down EVERYONE associated with the franchise after Terminator 2.

I'm in the middle of dealing with my own alcoholism.
Meant to go into rehab but I've convinced myself that it's not for me, even though everyone is telling me I need that. It's a strange place to be ..

If everyone is telling you it's what you need it then it is probably serious.
I had to take my own dad to rehab twice.
Don't let it run away with you man, it's a shitty addiction that doesn't lead anywhere good.
And convincing yourself everything is fine is part of the addiction.

Yeah, I get that but it's such a kick in the balls.
Stayed off it for a month until last weekend and been drinking since, staying in hotels, no change of clothes, no shaving gear, just moving. I have to keep my hat on cos I fell at some point and have a dirty gash over my eye. If I take it off, no publican will serve me! Fucking hell ..

It's not even drinking. It's more to do with saying fuck it, self-destruction in a way, and giving up on shit ..