if you had a time machine
- Lost to the Void
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Re: if you had a time machine
When was the last time you had a drink?
- jordanneke
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Re: if you had a time machine
intrusav wrote:So yeah, I walked away again, but with a plan and some determination to sort it out ..
Let us know how it works out, good, or not so good.
- jordanneke
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Re: if you had a time machine
Still ok to share?Mono-xID wrote:jordanneke wrote:
Mono, if you don't mind me asking, how did you end up on heroin. I'm guessing most people here have 'partied' a bit in their time, but the big H was a step too far.
If you don't want to answer, it's cool and I'll delete my post.
Okay sir, lets start.
(Hades-type post incoming)
PART 1: Introduction
From 2003 'til 2005 I lived in a squat as I had debts and therefore I couldn't get my own flat. Two good mates of mine rented a big ass flat in a (then) nice district and asked me if I'm up for renting the third room. Of course I said yes. We got along very well and the flat was a cool place where all the mates met on the weekends to get ready for nightlife. It was a good time where I met many cool people as mates would bring in cool dudes and nice girls. It was kind of a party flat and we all had lots of fun with drug abuse and orgies and shit.
In the second half of 2005 a room mate brought this guy from Hamburg who was smoking H. He hung around occasionally and actually he was a nice intelligent fella. It turned out that my room mate smoked smack with him occasionally. I wasn't that happy about it but I thought to myself that he's old enough, each to their own etc.
NYE was about to come and we planned a big party and invited everyone. So all the mates from everywhere were coming and we were around 40 people and it was THE best NYE party I ever had. We partied hard for 4 days,went to clubs, back to the flat, club again and so forth. I was awake all the time because of lots of speed and pills.
So party ended on the fourth day and the rest of us chilled out in the flat for a massive come down. People were sleeping everywhere on couches and on the floor. Me,my room mate and the guy from Hamburg were the only ones still awake and we had a discussion and just talked straight up shit.
And then he pulled out his pipe and started to smoke with my room mate. He offered me a hit and in my NYE meltdown brain I thought "why not"? I took my first pipe hit and "BOOOOM !!!!". All of a sudden I had this great warm feeling and after a couple of minutes I fell asleep. It killed the buzz from speed and pills immediately. It felt to good to be true. After I woke up we cleaned the flat and had a chilled afternoon where I smoked two more pipes. After that incident I didn't touched it again for half a year.
I'll post Part 2 (the nasty part) later
Re: if you had a time machine
That Thursday when I first posted...Lost to the Void wrote:When was the last time you had a drink?
I got collected by my gf that evening and stayed home until yesterday. The rehab thing was on the cards in two different places but there was a lot of fucking around just for them to confirm a bed. Even at that, there was a waiting list for a week or so, in which time I had decided it isn't what I need and wouldn't really help.
I've fallen out with everyone by going against it and shit hit the fan at home so I've been cut off now, or, more likely, I've cut myself off (my head is melted trying to be objective about things).
I'm just trying to keep my shit together now to get me through the next few weeks, figure out my options.
It's very much day by day, would even say minute by minute. It feels like that anyway ..
- Lost to the Void
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Re: if you had a time machine
I dunno man, common thing in addiction is to suddenly think you are ok faced with the prospect of dealing with it head on.
Running away at the last minute is pretty common.
Looking for less committed solutions also.
Everyone losing the plot with you seems like with good reason.
I could be wrong, but it seems to me that you are running away from really dealing with it.
Rehab comes with counselling and group counselling normally, probably exactly what you need.
Running away at the last minute is pretty common.
Looking for less committed solutions also.
Everyone losing the plot with you seems like with good reason.
I could be wrong, but it seems to me that you are running away from really dealing with it.
Rehab comes with counselling and group counselling normally, probably exactly what you need.
Re: if you had a time machine
Yeah, I get that and can see how it looks like that.
Knowing that, It's like second-guessing myself with every decision but it makes sense to me to pick one route over the other (or have I convinced myself? More of it...)
Maybe it's a control thing, sticking by my own decision as opposed to being told to do this or that. There's other shit there as well though but it's clouded somewhat, a bit like feeling around in the dark trying to find the lightswitch...
Knowing that, It's like second-guessing myself with every decision but it makes sense to me to pick one route over the other (or have I convinced myself? More of it...)
Maybe it's a control thing, sticking by my own decision as opposed to being told to do this or that. There's other shit there as well though but it's clouded somewhat, a bit like feeling around in the dark trying to find the lightswitch...