How's the lockdown going for you?

[Críoch]

Keeping busy, still working, doing some long overdue projects.. Or doing fuck all?

I'm still working. Have been throughout. Busier probably. Was great to be able to have somewhere different to go when wife & kids were at home..

I've done a few little rough wood projects recently.. trying to maximise space in my room. The war never ends.

Been playing Chess & a lot of cards, mainly Shithead, with the kids. The youngest is a natural card counter. My oldest , 12, has been enjoying watching 80s / 90s action films at the weekend.. such as The Terminators 1&2, Alien/s, Die Hards (first 4 only), Lethal Weapon, Braveheart etc..

Might be getting some garden stuff done in the next while when the weather picks up. Maybe a new shed. I want to get bees next year & have to set the place up right this year with flowers etc.

At least that some brighter evenings are ahead of us. I gave up going out for a walk after dinner cos the paths are literally covered in dogshit. Like fucking Nutella. So many new dogs about since all this c19 began. Not only is it annoying that its not picked up, but the owners let the dogs shit right in the middle.of the footpath ffs haha. If it's dark, anyone, including the owner could stand in it tomorrow. At least shit to the side, off the pathways. Yuk. Kids no doubt, being sent out with the dog.

[Lost to the Void]

I was sitting in bed last Sunday late afternoon, just chatting with the missus.
Drinking gin.

I was in bed, drinking gin.

I think the lockdown is actually starting to get to me.

....

I've been working a lot.
I've been very lucky but my business has grown during the lockdown.
Studio is booked weeks ahead for mastering. Client base has grown, much more diverse music coming in, so it's not techno all day.
I've invested a lot of time learning advanced processes for mastering, so I'm much more equipped to deal with unexpected issues. I've learned so much and I've really just focused down on the work. So I'm quietly proud of the work I am doing now.
So business wise everything is great.

I'm actually working too much. My life is basically get up, breakfast, mastering, ride bike, mastering, cook dinner, hang with missus, play with cats, bed or try to make music.
I've got a bunch of releases I should have had done, but I'm not getting enough music time, so I'm late on delivery on all of them.. Been asked to do a double vinyl album and have done.......nothing so far. Which is frankly worrying me.

Done a fair bit of DIY. Recently fitted magnetic door latches to all the upstairs doors, as the old catches were these spring mounted steel ball things and it was super noisy, waking up the missus every time I go to the loo or in and out of the production room.
Now the doors snap shut silently.
Now weather is getting better will work on garden. Gonna get a bunch of nice pots for herbs, and get a shed.
Also will start going to local country parks on the bike, now weather is improving.
Getting Kittens has been awesome. I don't feel right without animals in my life.
Not seen my mum much, which sucks.
My sister and bro in laws business is fucked.
They run an armourers for the film industry based in South Africa and South Africa is fucked. No country wants to film there and their government is doing nothing.
They are at risk of losing their business, my mum is talking about equity release on her house to lend them, which is her only real asset. So that's stress. She needs that house to buy herself a retirement flat and pay for her care when she needs it.

I'm definitely not normal. Even for me. Lockdown has definitely effected me now. Can't pin anything specifically but I'm not right. Probably self medicating my way through it to be honest. I'm getting very stoned after work.

I'm genuinely worried over how the country is going.
I'm starting to feel like it might be time to consider jumping ship and moving somewhere else.

[over9000]

Ive had 2 months off in winter which was nice and also not. Nice to have alot of time with the kids at home and being able to fix some stuff in the house. New boilers, clay plaster in a room etc..

But goddamn was i reliefed to go back to work. That was worrying me somehow.
I mean i like to work, really, but it was feeling like a big relief to get out of the house

For me the biggest deal is to not randomly meet people. You always have to make an appointment like you go to the fucking dentist. No random encounters with friends or strangers, no afterhours at some random peoples place, no parties in general, no flirting in the bar, nothing
Just meeting the same people all the time

At least now spring is comming, we had snow until last week ffs

Its always lockdown light here in switzerland kinda silly if you ask me

But still everything closed and surely no events in the near future

All in all iam doing fine, everyone in my enviroment is healthy its just that creeping feeling of being forced into a kind of life that has no perspective for me
Hope that shit will be over soon.
But i think 2021 will have some tricks up its sleeve for us for better or worse

[Root]

So many new dogs about since all this c19 began.

...guilty! I've got a dog since december, haha. But I'm working hard to train with him and keep things consistent. He's only shitting on natural ground and I pick it up then. The first 8 weeks have been like bloody hell. A puppy is supposed to sleep like 20hours a day. The dog is a mini australien shepher, so he's all the time checking for activity and gets up immeadiately if something happens. What leads to not enough sleep, what leads to doggo becoming crazy. He's been fighting my legs, eating everything in the flat, running around like a rocket and so on. RIght now we found our rhythm and training and good relationship shows it's effects, hooray. Other than that I'm tired, like everyone else around me. Politics protrect economy not the people.

[Duffdeal]

Anyone else feel like it has been a life catalyst in some respects? I've reduced my working hours, bought a house and inherited an orphan dog. None of those would have happened in a typical year. Lockdown is accelerated testing for relationships and the whole pandemic situation provides cover to make big changes without others paying attention. Anything you do personally is dwarfed by the collective drama.

[Divjak]

I have been doing ok, I moved to the city and I am staying with my gf since winter... Otherwise its a lot of work I have to finish teacher training and write master thesis about music during Russian avantgarde period. Sometimes I miss going to some culture art snobbery or some godless shack of a bar that would take my mind of other stuff.

I have been fiddling with some noise music and drag. Chill LSD evenings with gf and cat are cool to.

I want to get bees next year & have to set the place up right this year with flowers etc.

Thats pretty cool with bees. Have you ever been beekeeping? My grandfather passed away while he was working on the garden in march and I am taking care of his bees now, 20 families, some of his buddies have been teaching me, but I am kinda worried that I fucked up some stuff, I am total beginner, hope they survive the winter. Fingers crossed. Work with them will begin soon and I dont know how the fuck will I find the time for them, but on the other hand, even if they all die I will get new ones and proper bee training. Insects are so strange, cold creatures, but cool as fuck.

Regarding the shitting dogs, my mom got a new dog in june, it is a hyperactive beast and I noped the fucked out of there and moved to city haha

[ozias_leduc]

Anyone else feel like it has been a life catalyst in some respects? I've reduced my working hours, bought a house and inherited an orphan dog. None of those would have happened in a typical year. Lockdown is accelerated testing for relationships and the whole pandemic situation provides cover to make big changes without others paying attention. Anything you do personally is dwarfed by the collective drama.

Yeah I agree with this. Obviously it's been a terrible time for some, and I feel for those people.

But it's been great for the accepted daily grind to get a good kick up the arse. I've loved working from home and having much more work/life flexibility.

I'm a bit of a hermit though. I think it's been great for hermits.

[willemb]

I think this whole lockdown has encouraged me being a hermit. I already worked from home, but now i rarely leave the house. Its probably not good for me physically and mentally.

My work is very busy, only getting busier through lockdown.

I am so thankful for my girlfriend and the relationship we have, it would have been so different being on my own, or with a less ideal relationship.

[willemb]

Kind of a side track, but im quite excited to find out i have fanboys in Colombia for the dnb used to make 10 years ago. Once covid travel restrictions are over it looks like i might get to DJ in Bogota!

[borg]

The attentive reader of these pages might remember life wasn't going too great for me before covid, and it certainly didn't make it any better.

I just started working again this week after a breakdown that started in January. I work in a theatre, and although there haven't been any performances with an audience, it's been quite busy with livestreams, artists creating new work, maintenance and whatnot, and I found it to be very stressful with people flying in from all over Europe as if there was no virus. The phrases like 'art can save the world' and 'art is as important as food and air' sounded quite hollow to me.
I had a severe pneumonia just before covid, and I still feel my lungs aren't up to snuff, so I really have no desire to take any risks. That made me a very lonely person. I have some very good and loyal friends that really looked after me these lasts few months. That kinda saved me, cause I was sliding down a hole real fast. This may sound corny, but Subsekt was about the only thing that gave me some joy.
My general practitioner (had to look that up) is tops, and he set me up real quick with a psychiatrist, and he definitely knows his stuff. The first thing he asked after hearing my story, was 'how do you sleep?', and that hit the nail on the head. Ever since my girlfriend past away three years ago, I've been deprived of decent sleep. Got some pills (no anti depression) to get me into a deeper sleep, and from day one that has changed my life considerably.
My weed consumption had also grown considerably these last few years, and from one day to the next, I quit, after 25 years of almost daily use. I knew it had to be done, but the prospect of not having that joint was surely not something to look forward to. The weeks building up to that point of quitting were much much worse than the quitting itself. I literally didn't have a single moment of craving, while I thought I would be in agony. So I'm quite happy about that. Listening to/creating music hasn't been the same though...
So, I was in a bad place, but climbing out of that deep hole rapidly.
I try not to read the news, but that is just impossible. Everything I read is people making things worse by being selfish, politicians that can't make any sensible decisions...
Lack of physical contact/not having a partner isn't making matters any better, but looking for that is out of the question at the moment.

mmh, did that sound bad? There are people having a much worse time, I keep saying myself...

[Ben Kohonays]

There are people having a much worse time, I keep saying myself...

It's good to reflect like that, it can help with gratitude, but it's also important not to start mentally beating yourself up too. You can recognise that you've had a shit time and that other people might have had things worse, it's about keeping a balance. Not saying that's what you're doing, but sometimes we need reminded of these things.

[borg]

Yeah, kinda lost that balance... I never understood people having burnouts or depressions. I don't mean that in a condescending way at all, mind you. I think you can only really understand when it happens to you, or when you're trained to recognize it. And I've been neglecting/ignoring/not recognizing my own signals, until my mind and body said 'stop' a few months ago.
One of the last performances before lockdown we had in our theatre was a company/director working with 4th world people. We have them every year, and it's a nice change from the professional contemporary highbrow dance/theatre we usually have. Was chatting with the director about my woes, and then he started talking about the lives of his actors. That put things in perspective. A Kurdish grandfather that saw his daughter and grandchildren drown in a mountain river while running from the Turkish army, a Syrian youngster with half of his family/village killed ending up here in Belgium in an asylum center with nothing but the clothes he's wearing,... It's humbling, but indeed, that didn't help my own situation.
All I can say is, I'm very grateful for our social system and healthcare. Even in these times when healthcare is under enormous strain, I got all the help I needed in a very short time.

[Lost to the Void]

mmh, did that sound bad? There are people having a much worse time, I keep saying myself...

No it didn't.
We can't judge our own wellbeing by the state of others.
That's how countries get away with slipping into shit.

"Oh it's getting bad, but at least it isn't as bad as Yemen".

It's a narrative drive that basically justifies suffering.
It's not a competition.

Don't judge yourself by the worst in society the world, but by the best.

So no man, your feelings are are valid, if you feel shitty or bad it's nothing to feel guilty about.

Mental health during this pandemic is a ticking timebomb.

It's better to reach out and talk than be one of these "I had no idea he was unhappy.... He never spoke about it" conversations spoken at a funeral.

Of course that is not to say people aren't suffering terribly, and it's always good to have perspective, but through our pain it helps us empathise more with those worse off than us.

One of the things I learned when I was at the lowest point in my life, clinical depression.... on the precipice, literally, of suicide... Was how little control we have over our own minds. As someone who used to take misguided pride in my mental fortitude, walking through dangerous situations with a calm I earned a reputation for..... that all came crashing down when I found myself standing on the edge of a multistory car park, on my own, ready to leap into oblivion.
Our minds are as fragile as our bodies. It just takes the right metaphorical bullet to hit the target and then we suffer trauma.

Don't suffer in silence.

Also meditation/mindfulness is really amazing for your mind.

[borg]

Also meditation/mindfulness is really amazing for your mind.

Been meaning to get back to you regarding the Bornless One when that got mentioned way back, but that never happened.
I touched it while discussing meditation with my therapist, but her frown when mentioning Satanism said enough. She's cool though. She worked the bar for years in Café d'Anvers, famous house club in Antwerp and favourite hangout of Grace Jones in the 90s.

Regarding cats: The last six months my cat is really suffering from covid. She obviously can't deal with me being around the house so much. Our relationship definitely changed for the worse up to the point that I'm thinking of letting her go. Bringing her back to the animal shelter is no option for me though, I really need to know she gets a proper new home with decent people.

[timc3]

I doing fine, probably better than most. I think having a decent size house with a garden and my immediate family & cat around helps a lot, but I take isolation a lot better than most people. Think we would struggle as a family if we lived in a small flat in the city with no quiet space. I am being extremely careful though as even a simple cold seems to knock me down pretty hard these days.

Sweden is isolating at the best of times, it's not like many random people like chatting to each other here, so the main loss is that I can't really travel anywhere, and I can't go back to England to see family which is annoying. And the people I like to hang with I don't see so much which is a pity.

One of my companies is doing well - helps companies work remotely with video and audio and so we launched it just at the right time and there has been some good growth despite everything.

Other than that I have started on the build of my studio, got everything I need together so I just need to complete it. But the Garden is in desperate need of attention at the same time and will probably be better for me to spend time on in the summer

[willemb]

- feelings are very valid... brain is a bastard, if it becomes too much of a dick, id say try to shift focus beyond the mind:

"How can an unsteady mind make itself steady? Of course it cannot. It is the nature of the mind to roam about. All you can do is to shift the focus of consciousness beyond the mind."

"Refuse all thoughts except one: the thought 'I am'."

Nisargadatta

I recently learned that we have neurons in our stomach lining (enteric nervous system)... gut feelings are also very valid

- my brother Frederik used to have a residency at cafe d'anvers

- my cat LOVES me being home the whole time, but its an indoor cat (its my gfs cat really, he's 20 years old)

[borg]

Definitely need to have more physical exercise. I used to do lots of sport until 5 years ago, but that completely stopped after a knee injury and my missus going bad. Just gave my mountainbike a thorough service, going for a spin this weekend with a mate I haven't seen for nearly a year. Might run into Jordanneke as we're heading for his territory.

my brother Frederik used to have a residency at cafe d'anvers

what was his stage name? I wasn't a regular, but have been there a few times. Best nights for me weren't house though: saw Mark Broom there which was good, and also Autechre with a light show, which is rare.

[willemb]

his name Frederik, was his stage name

[Lost to the Void]

Also meditation/mindfulness is really amazing for your mind.

Been meaning to get back to you regarding the Bornless One when that got mentioned way back, but that never happened.
I touched it while discussing meditation with my therapist, but her frown when mentioning Satanism said enough. She's cool though. She worked the bar for years in Café d'Anvers, famous house club in Antwerp and favourite hangout of Grace Jones in the 90s.

Regarding cats: The last six months my cat is really suffering from covid. She obviously can't deal with me being around the house so much. Our relationship definitely changed for the worse up to the point that I'm thinking of letting her go. Bringing her back to the animal shelter is no option for me though, I really need to know she gets a proper new home with decent people.

Dude get yourself over to YouTube and Jackson Galaxy channel. He is a cat genius and will have methods to turn around your relationship with your cat.
We got new rescue kittens last year and after watching tons of his videos we made rapid headway through their issues and have a really cool relationship with our cats.
Having owned cats before I though I knew what I was doing, but Jackson's skill with cat psychology is amazing.
Clicker training is easy and opens a path to positive re-enforcement with your cat.

[willemb]

what was his stage name? I wasn't a regular, but have been there a few times. Best nights for me weren't house though: saw Mark Broom there which was good, and also Autechre with a light show, which is rare.

Actually i might be wrong about his residency there, but he did play there quite a few times. I just remembered he had residency at the Fuse in Brussels, so probably not at d'anvers as well.